Friday, May 30, 2003

A modest proposal for France

This afternoon I realized what the biggest problem with France is. It is in the middle of everything.

An acquaintance is planning on spending half the summer studying in London. He will then do the classic Eurail pass thing traveling around Europe. This is the point where the location of France becomes troublesome.

My young friend agrees with me that France is a vile nation that is not deserving of his hard earned American tourist dollars. However, it will be difficult for him to avoid France due to its fairly central location.

Over at Pave France they have a fairly innovative idea to create a luxury parking lot for the British. While I respect their initiative I have an alternate suggestion.

I think now is the time for bold action – let us build the British Skyway!

Let me explain… Mayor (Richard J.) Daley (father of the current mayor) of Chicago was from the Bridgeport neighborhood. Like many Southside Chicagoans he had a summer home in the Indiana/Michigan border area along Lake Michigan. This lovely area of Dunes along southern Lake Michigan is a wonderful retreat for Chicagoans. Unfortunately, between Chicago and the Dunes there is the Cal-sag channel (yuck) and some very unpleasant Iron mills to drive past. The Mayor (cough – king – cough) couldn’t have that - so the Chicago skyway was built. The Skyway is an interstate tollway that was built and is maintained (I believe) by the city of Chicago. Its main purpose is to quickly shuttle Chicagoans above the dirty industrial junction of Illinois, Indiana and Lake Michigan.

What I propose is that a similair “Skyway” be built over the dirty nation of France!

A large bridge can be built that crosses from the UK right over France – Perhaps to Switzerland. This way we will not disturb the French with our dirty American dollars. At the same time we will be able to enjoy our European holidays without having to expose ourselves the nasty pollutants of the French people (almost as bad as Steel Mills). Perhaps we could put a scenic overlook at Paris so tourists could get out and take pictures of the Eiffel tower for those unrepentant Francophiles.

I know that those among you will suggest that perhaps air travel has superceded the need for a giant bridge over France. Perhaps, but imagine the great pleasure that we would all gain from literally driving over France – preferably in a nice big gas guzzling V8 (yes I am an American and it is my right to waste gas). If that does not convince you why not do it for “The Children”. After all, young college students can only afford a Eurail pass, not a bunch of plane tickets to cross over France. As an added bonus… if we locate the giant bridge just right we can blot out the sun over some French vineyards, thusly improving the market for great wines from Australia, the USA, Spain, and Italy!


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